Do you find it difficult to show yourself the same kindness you show others? Cultivating greater self-compassion might be the answer.
A lack of self-compassion is linked to greater levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. But self-compassion is more than just running yourself a bubble bath or taking five minutes to do a mindfulness-meditation exercise.
More broadly, it’s about showing yourself the same kindness, understanding, and care you’d give to a friend in your situation…or a younger, perhaps even a child version of yourself.
But self-compassion is often something “easier said than done”.
Some signs you may be struggling to show self-compassion include:
- forcing yourself to demonstrate a “stiff upper lip”.
- telling yourself you’re inadequate, shouldn’t be reacting like this, or are handling a situation worse than others would in your place.
- negative self-talk like “Why can’t I get over this?” or “I’m the only one who struggles with this”.
- finding yourself fearing negative emotions, including anxiety and low mood.
- feeling like you should only be loved and/or respected when you succeed or perform well/perfectly.
- feeling like showing yourself too much compassion will prevent you from “getting the job done”.
But greater self-compassion can be cultivated.
Here are some of our top tips:
- Remind yourself that everybody makes mistakes and this is a normal part of growth and learning. A helpful maxim could be: “Forget the mistake but remember the lesson”.
- Remember that it’s impossible to be perfect and many tasks can be completed to a “good-enough” level given our available resources (e.g., parenting).
- Be on your own side–you can be your biggest cheerleader, even against your own mind (remember, our brains often like to sabotage us).
- Tell yourself “This is really hard right now” or imagine how you’d comfort a child version of yourself who’s feeling what you’re feeling.
- Remember you don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of love, compassion, and respect.
- Accept your humanity–all of us fall short of our ideals, everyone has limitations, everyone makes mistakes, things often don’t go according to plan.
- Remind yourself that self-kindness doesn’t make you lazy, self-indulgent, or less motivated. Showing a child compassion and kindness usually helps them to perform better, not worse.
- Consider seeing a psychologist. A psychologist can help share strategies to build your self-compassion muscles and work toward greater well-being and healthier relationships.
To book an appointment with a clinician from our team, click here.
Dr Kristin Neff is an expert in the area of self-compassion. You might like to take her self-compassion test to assess your level of self-compassion or check out her self-compassion exercises.
Introducing our newest clinician, Samantha Knep
Join us in welcoming clinical psychology registrar Samantha Knep to the AB Clinical Psychology Team!
Samantha aims to create a non-judgemental, safe space where clients feel truly heard and seen. Using a compassionate approach, she collaborates to support clients in making positive and meaningful changes in their lives. Her practice is grounded on genuine warmth and deep empathy.
She practices predominately within a cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) framework, integrating elements of dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to address each client’s unique needs.
Samantha recently completed a Master’s in Clinical Psychology with distinction and has conducted research into mindfulness-based therapies for depression and separate research into women’s health-related concerns. She has experience working with young adults, adults, neurodivergent individuals, people from varied cultural backgrounds, and members of the LGBTQI+ community.
Samantha has expertise in:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Perfectionism
- Young Adults
- Interpersonal Difficulties
